I don’t even know how many times over the past six years I’ve said that time is one of the most surreal things in grief, but I can’t help but say it again this morning. It’s hard to believe it’s been six years since my sweetheart went to be with Jesus–it seems like yesterday and a lifetime ago all at once. And this year is one where the days of the week line up the way they did six years ago as well… Christmas Eve is on a Tuesday once again, and somehow that hits in a different way and makes the replay of the events even more vivid.
But still my heart is filled with gratitude for the love we shared and all the sweet memories. The look in his eyes with his one-of-a-kind laugh was priceless. And the gift of 18 and a half years of loving marriage was simply an amazing grace of God. I know things could have turned out differently, but somehow our love endured and even grew stronger over the years. I miss the comfort of his hand enveloping mine, leaning my head against his shoulder, and even simply catching a glance of his smile from across the room. And there’s so much I’d still love to tell him! But I’m grateful for all the times we were able to treasure those precious moments and more.
I’m also grateful for how God has been continuing to provide over these past six years as well. There’s no way I could have known all the additional transitions, changes, losses, and graces that would be coming and that I’m sure are still to come, too. But what a gift to be able to look back and see God’s working in everything, and what hope that gives us as we trust Him for an unknown (to us) future.
This brings me back to the hope of Christmas as well. Sometimes the familiarity of the story can make it easy to miss the depth and the difficulty of it… how God’s people had been longing and waiting for a Savior and then had 400 years of silence with no fresh word from the Lord for generations. Then when the fullness of time had come, the long-awaited Messiah was born according to God’s perfect plan, but not like anyone expected.
A humble beginning, a young virgin engaged to be married but now suddenly with child, no room in the inn, and Good News that caused shepherds and wise men to worship but a jealous king to go on a murderous rage are just a few of the details to note. And this precious Babe, this holy Child, God with us, became a “man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.” So He carries our burdens and shares in our sufferings, and “by His wounds we are healed.”
And once again, the weary world rejoices in this thrill of hope. The Savior has come, and His love endures forever. What peace that brings in every heartache and every joy, in every looking back and every looking ahead, and simply for this moment right now. Emmanuel is here, and we are never alone.
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